Posted:
02.01.1998
Date: 12.13.2195
Time: Morning
Written On Flesh
"Where the glitch have you been?" JACK asks when I get back.
She stands up, stretching. The Haven is crowded--sleeping bodies
in a sea around us. "You haven't been outside have you? Don't
tell me if you have because I don't want to know."
I catch her eyes. "I took a walk across the street. Needed
to breathe some fresh air."
"Glitch, syl! That is not wise, not wise at all!
You know there isn't a molecule of fresh air out there anyway! What
were you thinking?"
"JACK, it's too early in the morning to jump down my throat."
She looks at her feet for a moment. "What if there had been dokks--or
worse, eoas? What then?"
"This is a Haven, JACK! We're safe!"
"I don't think eoas can read the sign on the front door! You were
outside the Haven anyway--that makes you prey."
"I don't know then."
JACK looks up. "You 'don't know' what?"
"I don't know why I went outside. I just did. Didn't even
think about it at the time."
JACK just shakes her head. "Sorry, syl, just woke up. I'm
in a real glitch of a mood."
I want to tell her about Calamity Carl--I should, but I don't.
I stop myself or something stops me--I don't know which, but the words
don't flow, and I say nothing.
JACK's hair stalks are moving in broad movements, lifting from their
normal place at her back, waving and wriggling, waking up.
"They have a sonic shower," I say.
Eyebrows lifting and back arching, muscles extending. "That would
be nice. And after, something to eat. I'm in need of replenishing."
Strange, I don't feel hungry, but I can't bring to mind the last time
I ate. Was it yesterday?
Don't get to think any more about that question because JACK notices--
"What the glitch happened to your shirt? It's shredded
back there!"
Now I have to tell her about Calamity Carl. I shouldn't
be hesitant about it, but there's a motivation--a feeling there.
It's pressing up against my throat, constricting and tightening like a
knot. But I get my lips moving anyway, somehow.
"Let's go somewhere else to talk about this, JACK. Please."
JACK opens her mouth to retort, then nods.
In the Haven's overpopulated state, it is hard to find a room unoccupied,
but JACK locates a dead ended hallway. The light here is dim.
JACK's eyes are an opaque blue.
"It--it was Carl, Calamity Carl," I whisper. The whole story comes
out easier after I get that first admission out.
JACK swears under her breath as I finish, and her voice is low and even
when she responds, looking up at me, "That little scrap of j'aa!
If he shows up again, I swear I will--"
I grab her arm. "JACK, calm down. He didn't harm me.
I'm still here and breathing. We need to worry about things that
should be worried about right now!"
"This is something to worry about, syl."
"Yes, but not right now."
Her eyes drop. "He could've hurt you. You know that."
I know that. I was completely at the mercy of his whims, powerless.
As usual. "I know. But he didn't, and I don't think he
will."
"You can't just go off of feelings, syl. That will just get you
in trouble."
"I haven't been able to avoid trouble since I first awoke in that alley.
It seems that trouble is all I can do. But that's not important
to me right now. I want to know what he meant. Why go to all
that trouble simply to tell me that I'm a map? I mean, what the
glitch am I supposed to do with that?"
JACK reaches out, fingering my shirt where it touches my shoulder.
"I'm not sure. Maybe it has something to do with that tattoo on your
back."
What's this?
(Tattoo?)
What's this?
What's this?
I blink. "What?!"
"The tattoo--on your back."
Calming myself now. Static buzzing low somewhere. "JACK,
forgive me, but I don't know what the glitch you're talking about."
"What am I talking about? I'm talking about the tattoo that covers
your entire glitched back! That's what I'm talking about! Don't
tell me you don't know about it!"
"How often do you look at your back, JACK?"
"It's your body, glitch it!"
"Well, I haven't seen it, and if it is there, I don't know how the glitch
it got there. What is it of?"
"Turn around," JACK says. "I want to take another look."
I turn. "When were you planning on telling me about this?"
I feel material sliding up my back as JACK lifts my shirt. A quick
glance over my shoulder ensures that nobody else is in the hallway with
us. "I thought you knew. I noticed it when you first
came barging through our door. Besides, I was the one who dressed
you. And let me tell you, that's not easy when the person you're
dressing is unconscious. I was going to ask you about it sometime,
but I got distracted. Sorry I didn't bring it up sooner."
"No, I'm sorry, JACK. I guess Calamity Carl unnerved me a little."
That's it, understate the situation as usual.
Wirewitch finger on my back, tracing the edges of the mark, lines unseen.
"I can't describe it, syl. Sorry. It's too bizarre for that.
You'll have to look at it yourself. Aw, glitch."
I hear ripping sounds, what few threads holding the back side of my
shirt together are now severed. The garment goes limp, hanging loosely
on my shoulders.
"Glitch it, syl, I barely touched it and it ripped. That g'ekk
Carl! I'm going to--"
"Get me a new shirt?"
JACK smiles, "Yes. I'll be right back." And she leaves,
muttering about rivot bots.
I turn my shoulder to the wall, exhaling. Why the glitch
do I have a tattoo? Why the glitch didn't I notice it before?
And how the glitch did Calamity Carl know? I'll just add those
questions to the infinite number I already have. And then there are
footsteps in the hall and I realize that it is not JACK.
It's Q'and'q. Cosmic glitch!!
I quickly spin and back into the corner of the hallway, hiding my back.
The wall is cold and I pull at the edges of my shirt, tugging it backward
where it will slip less. There is hair in my eyes, and I see Q'and'q
approach with streaks of blue blocking my vision. I'm trapped, unexposed
but vulnerable--oh so vulnerable.
"Hello, syl," he says plainly. His mouth is partially obscured
by his breather tubes, but I see his teeth. He's smiling I think.
"Good morning, Q'and'q." He's within normal conversational distance
now. His eyes are shadowed, the same color as his hair. For
some reason, I want to reach out and--
"Have you eaten yet?"
"Not yet. I was waiting for JACK to get ready."
"Yes, of course."
Pause. Stares exchanged. I'm self-conscious suddenly.
Why?
Q'and'q goes first. "What are you doing?"
Glitch! "Uh--um, what do you mean?" I stop my nervous fingering
of my shirt's hem. I attempt to hold his gaze, but I can't for more
than a second at a time.
calm
mustcalmself
"Well, I doubt if that wall is in danger of falling down, and you seem
to be doing your best to ensure that. Is there a reason why?"
"I uh--" I have to stop my fingers from fiddling with the hem
of my shirt again.
desist
mustceasenow
"Also, there's something wrong with your shirt. Did we get you
the wrong size? We can have it replaced."
"JACK left to get me a new one." I see something about his eyes.
The color in them is a bright green. Too bright to be natural.
Must have some implants. Guess he's just like everybody else in this
dying (dead) world--modified.
"I see," Q'and'q says. He seems on the verge of turning and leaving
when suddenly he doesn't. Instead, he speaks, "I would like to sit
down and talk with you sometime."
"Talk with me? About what?" Defenses up.
His eyes averting, flicking. "Oh...um--nothing in particular.
You know, just...talk."
I can feel the texture of the wall digging at my shoulder blades.
I've backed up and my muscles are tight, pressing harder at the wall.
Exhale and relax now. Better. No reason to act like prey.
No danger here. What am I doing? My mind tells my body to bring
down the level of reflex shielding that it has up. I can't back up
anymore anyway--can't climb the wall. He's talking calmly and I'm
reacting like a small, cornered animal. Why? Mind sends
the message that maybe Calamity Carl had something to do with it.
No. He had no effect on me. I'm fine, glitch it.
Just talk to him, he's not a threat but a friend. A friend.
Long exhale helps me respond with what I hope is a less frightened look,
"I--I would like that." And I find that I mean it. Sitting
down and talking would be a good thing. Might even call it normal.
"Well, we could talk over a morning meal."
"Yes. Yes we could." I realize that I have no idea what
I'm going to do if he's referring to right now. Glitch
it, JACK, where are you?
His head is crooked at me now. There is a curious curiosity gleam
in his eye, green and intense, surveying me. I realize that I look
foolish here backed into this corner, fingering the hem of my shirt and
not even able to carry on a simple conversation. But I also know
that if I move, Q'and'q is going to see more of me than I want him to.
And that is not going to happen to this blue-haired girl.
"Are you okay?" he asks, concerned and stepping.
But I don't have to answer the question because JACK is back.
"Excuse me, Q'and'q," she says stepping in front of me, "mind if syl and
I have a moment in private?" She's shorter than the Guardian-8 ,
but she's forceful in her words, and it's clear that he doesn't have a
choice.
Q'and'q nods. "I will wait for you over there." He walks
down the hallway, back to the light.
JACK's mouth is smirking--I think. It's an expression that's hard
to read, but I think she's teasing me without saying a single word.
"Give me that," I say, grabbing the shirt she brought.
She laughs softly. "I think it's a bit small, but it's all I could
find."
I face the wall, turning my back on her. It's minuscule privacy,
but I've had less, and JACK blocks me as much as she can with her body.
The shredded garment practically falls off, and the new one is difficult
going on, but I manage. Glitch! Stomach's exposed.
"Glitch it, JACK, I can barely breathe in this thing! My real
skin's not this tight!"
JACK laughs. She's not helping, but my heart leaps to hear her
laugh. If only for a second, I feel good, the horrors I experienced
are in the background. Perhaps for only a second, but that is just
enough time. Just enough.
"But the important thing is that you look good, syl. Don't
you know that?"
"You'll pay for this. At least you could've got me something to
go over this. Glitch! I can see my be--"
"So can everybody else, syl."
"What the glitch is that supposed to mean!?!"
She's laughing again--that grating laugh, the laugh of a wirewitch--but
it is a laugh. "Let's get some food."
"No," I say, putting my hand on her shoulder. "First, we get a
scan of my back. I want to look at what's there."
"Let's ask Q'and'q if they have that kind of equipment here."
Q'and'q is waiting at the end of the hall. He does have the device
we need, and he is willing to let us use it.
Minutes later my back is scanned.
And I see on a glowing screen the image that is scrawled on my back,
on my flesh, written.
I'm scared. |